After reading the book, I realized that Ferber says more than just let your cry it out. He says that when you put babies to sleep in one setting and then move them to another, they're more likely to wake up disoriented. So for example, when they fall asleep in your arms and then randomly wake up in their crib, they get confused and go back to sleep. Waking up is natural, Ferber says. We all go through sleep transitions, during which we wake up for 1- 5 minutes. But we eventually learn to sleep through them. Babies need practice learning how as well. He doesn't say that we're necessarily teaching them by leaving them alone. There's really no way to do that. But they'll only figure it out if given opportunities to learn. And, if they fall asleep on their own where they're going to end up all night, the additional disorientation factor isn't there. I didn't agree with everything he said (he seems to think, for example, that babies need less sleep than they do; plus his section on naps isn't great). But overall, he makes a lot of sense, and I was at a point where I just wanted the little L to sleep.
He's all about routine, too, and waking babies up on the early side in the morning. My friend's sleep consultant said the same thing, wake 'em up between 6:30-7:30 no matter how rough the night was. Says to pick a time in that window and stick with it day after day. This part's been hard for me. I'm of the school where I just can't even picture intentionally waking a sleeping baby up. And it's just hard after we've been up multiple times a night. Plus, the little L hasn't been sleeping at daycare, so I can't rely on that to help her catch up during the day. But all of the books seem fairly clear on this. Early bedtime and early wake up time are the way to go.
The consultant also said that babies/kids have sleep windows during which times they're naturally sleepy. If you put them to bed during those times, it'll be less of a struggle. She went onto describe a daytime schedule that she recommended sticking with no matter what. Hers was for a 4-month old (which is how old my friend's son when she talked to her), but she gives tips on how to adjust for an older baby.
So I took everything and came up with a schedule for L. I talked to daycare to see what they did so that we could be consistent. They said that it was hard to put L down for a nap at 9 because that's when the other babies are playing. They said they could try for a catnap around then but weren't enthusiastic. They were all for pushing the afternoon nap and had coincidentally, themselves decided to let the infants cry to try to get them all sleeping during those hours in the afternoon. I think they do it with the teacher in the room, and if they had told me about a few weeks earlier, I would have been opposed. Now, I'm just glad that things will be at least somewhat consistent between house and daycare. Based on the daycare schedule, we decided to push up wake up time even more to about 6:45-7. We'll take the kids in earlier (by 7:30 instead of 8-8:30) and have the little L nap as soon as she gets there, before it gets loud and clamoring. They'll work on the afternoon nap the same time everyone else goes to bed, around 12:30, which is pretty much what my schedule says too. And then for now, since she's transitioning between 3 and 2 naps, I'll pick up early and let her take one more nap in the afternoon if she needs it. Bedtime between 7-7:15.
So far, it's working out pretty well. It's kind of brutal, and today, for example, I was feeling crappy and didn't feel like waking her up until 7:45. She doesn't go to daycare today, so it didn't seem to be a big deal. Plus she's got a cold, so seems extra sleepy. So do I, so I appreciated a few minutes of extra zzz's. D, for some reason, has been falling in line too, and getting up earlier which makes it easy too. Before, we were never n sync. If L was up, we'd be sitting around waiting for D, or vice versa. And before we get everyone ready and out the door, the baby is already pooped. So we'll see how it goes tomorrow, when both kids are back at school. I work from home M-T, so keep the baby home with me. But more than anything, I feel like having a strict routine has been key in helping the little L sleep better. So I'm very motivated to make it work.
Also what helped is that a few days before we were going to try Ferber, I was bouncing L to sleep and having a rough go of it. She kept flailing around in my arms, and I was so fed up that I unwrapped her, figuring it couldn't get any worse. It took me forever to get to sleep but when I put her down, she stayed out. And that night, her sleep was comparable to sleep with the swaddle! So that worry, of her waking up more times because she couldn't sleep without the swaddle was lifted. And actually, she seemed to put herself back to sleep several times on her own when given the opportunity. We could give her a few minutes to self soothe because we weren't freaked out by her rolling over with her arms imprisoned in the swaddle. And she showed us that she actually could at times drift back into sleep. That night, she had a bad cough, so had several opportunities to practice. A few times, we saw her almost sit up in the crib, look around for her lovey, and moan her way back to sleep. To me, that was very encouraging.
We started training for real on Sat night, and so far, it's been better than I anticipated. Not easy but not terrible, I guess. I've heard horror stories of babies crying for hours before finally sleeping. We generally stuck to the routine during the Sat and put down for 7:15 bedtime that night. She was out by 7:45. And not screaming that loudly. It came in waves, and mostly seemed to be whimpering. I've heard her go after it much louder in my arms. That first night, the intervals were 3 minutes, 5 minutes, and 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, Ferber recommends sticking to that max time for the rest of that attempt. What's important, he cautions, is not to give in because then you teach the baby that if they cry long enough, you will come. If you decide to make a go of it, he says, you should really make a go of it for a few days before re-assessing.
I tried to stick with the intervals, but at first check at 3 minutes, L went from sort of crying to totally losing it. So I waited 10 minutes before going in again, watching on the monitor the whole time. She actually hadn't been crying that hard at the 5 min mark anyway. When I went in at 10 minutes, I patted for a couple of minutes and she actually seemed like she might fall asleep if I stayed for just a few minutes more. I resisted the urge to stick around and left, probably prolonging the process a few more minutes. Before the next 10 minute check, she was out. There were some false alarms a few minutes before where I thought she was out but she raised her head for one last cry.
On Sun, we did the same thing for naps. I set her down for the first one early. She cried for about 15 minutes before conking out. G set her down for nap#2 and said she hadn't cried at all. Just played around in the crib for 5 minutes before falling asleep. He also did bedtime and it was about 20 minutes that night. Yesterday's naps were the same, more fighting in the morning, almost none in the afternoon. So we're plodding along. I'm not sure it's getting per se, but since it's not terrible to begin with, we're going to stay the course.
Last night, night 3, was probably the worst it has been so far. Still about 30 minutes before she fell asleep but it was an intense 30 minutes, the loudest we've had yet. And it killed me because she had been passed out on me nursing before that, but since nursing to sleep isn't part of the plan, I pulled her off for one last diaper check before putting her to bed. I won't say that I haven't been tempted to give up, especially on the nights, like yesterday, where putting her to sleep probably wouldn't have required much. All I really wanted was to move away from the endless bouncing and rocking. But it was G that said no. It was my idea to try this, he said. And if we really want to give it a chance, then we have to be consistent. He's right of course. And there have been times when it's been so painless. So of course, I'm hoping that as the week goes on, we'll have more of those times.
And I have to admit that her sleep has been vastly improved since we started. I think getting her on a schedule and losing the swaddle went a long way towards that. Yesterday, her afternoon nap was almost 3 hours long. She's had those kinds of naps before, but yesterday was the first time it happened without any intervention from me. What I've noticed is that she does seem to get through the early sleep transitions on her own now. So where she'd cry almost predictably at the 15-20 minute mark, she kind of rolls over and stays asleep. Or, if she wakes up, she moans for a few minutes and goes back to sleep. Before, that would have entailed me being in there rocking for another 20 minutes, helping neither me nor her. And maybe Ferber's right, maybe it helps that she's exactly where she was when she first fell asleep.
So. . . that's where we're at. A few last thoughts and an update tomorrow. . .
He's all about routine, too, and waking babies up on the early side in the morning. My friend's sleep consultant said the same thing, wake 'em up between 6:30-7:30 no matter how rough the night was. Says to pick a time in that window and stick with it day after day. This part's been hard for me. I'm of the school where I just can't even picture intentionally waking a sleeping baby up. And it's just hard after we've been up multiple times a night. Plus, the little L hasn't been sleeping at daycare, so I can't rely on that to help her catch up during the day. But all of the books seem fairly clear on this. Early bedtime and early wake up time are the way to go.
The consultant also said that babies/kids have sleep windows during which times they're naturally sleepy. If you put them to bed during those times, it'll be less of a struggle. She went onto describe a daytime schedule that she recommended sticking with no matter what. Hers was for a 4-month old (which is how old my friend's son when she talked to her), but she gives tips on how to adjust for an older baby.
So I took everything and came up with a schedule for L. I talked to daycare to see what they did so that we could be consistent. They said that it was hard to put L down for a nap at 9 because that's when the other babies are playing. They said they could try for a catnap around then but weren't enthusiastic. They were all for pushing the afternoon nap and had coincidentally, themselves decided to let the infants cry to try to get them all sleeping during those hours in the afternoon. I think they do it with the teacher in the room, and if they had told me about a few weeks earlier, I would have been opposed. Now, I'm just glad that things will be at least somewhat consistent between house and daycare. Based on the daycare schedule, we decided to push up wake up time even more to about 6:45-7. We'll take the kids in earlier (by 7:30 instead of 8-8:30) and have the little L nap as soon as she gets there, before it gets loud and clamoring. They'll work on the afternoon nap the same time everyone else goes to bed, around 12:30, which is pretty much what my schedule says too. And then for now, since she's transitioning between 3 and 2 naps, I'll pick up early and let her take one more nap in the afternoon if she needs it. Bedtime between 7-7:15.
So far, it's working out pretty well. It's kind of brutal, and today, for example, I was feeling crappy and didn't feel like waking her up until 7:45. She doesn't go to daycare today, so it didn't seem to be a big deal. Plus she's got a cold, so seems extra sleepy. So do I, so I appreciated a few minutes of extra zzz's. D, for some reason, has been falling in line too, and getting up earlier which makes it easy too. Before, we were never n sync. If L was up, we'd be sitting around waiting for D, or vice versa. And before we get everyone ready and out the door, the baby is already pooped. So we'll see how it goes tomorrow, when both kids are back at school. I work from home M-T, so keep the baby home with me. But more than anything, I feel like having a strict routine has been key in helping the little L sleep better. So I'm very motivated to make it work.
Also what helped is that a few days before we were going to try Ferber, I was bouncing L to sleep and having a rough go of it. She kept flailing around in my arms, and I was so fed up that I unwrapped her, figuring it couldn't get any worse. It took me forever to get to sleep but when I put her down, she stayed out. And that night, her sleep was comparable to sleep with the swaddle! So that worry, of her waking up more times because she couldn't sleep without the swaddle was lifted. And actually, she seemed to put herself back to sleep several times on her own when given the opportunity. We could give her a few minutes to self soothe because we weren't freaked out by her rolling over with her arms imprisoned in the swaddle. And she showed us that she actually could at times drift back into sleep. That night, she had a bad cough, so had several opportunities to practice. A few times, we saw her almost sit up in the crib, look around for her lovey, and moan her way back to sleep. To me, that was very encouraging.
We started training for real on Sat night, and so far, it's been better than I anticipated. Not easy but not terrible, I guess. I've heard horror stories of babies crying for hours before finally sleeping. We generally stuck to the routine during the Sat and put down for 7:15 bedtime that night. She was out by 7:45. And not screaming that loudly. It came in waves, and mostly seemed to be whimpering. I've heard her go after it much louder in my arms. That first night, the intervals were 3 minutes, 5 minutes, and 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, Ferber recommends sticking to that max time for the rest of that attempt. What's important, he cautions, is not to give in because then you teach the baby that if they cry long enough, you will come. If you decide to make a go of it, he says, you should really make a go of it for a few days before re-assessing.
I tried to stick with the intervals, but at first check at 3 minutes, L went from sort of crying to totally losing it. So I waited 10 minutes before going in again, watching on the monitor the whole time. She actually hadn't been crying that hard at the 5 min mark anyway. When I went in at 10 minutes, I patted for a couple of minutes and she actually seemed like she might fall asleep if I stayed for just a few minutes more. I resisted the urge to stick around and left, probably prolonging the process a few more minutes. Before the next 10 minute check, she was out. There were some false alarms a few minutes before where I thought she was out but she raised her head for one last cry.
On Sun, we did the same thing for naps. I set her down for the first one early. She cried for about 15 minutes before conking out. G set her down for nap#2 and said she hadn't cried at all. Just played around in the crib for 5 minutes before falling asleep. He also did bedtime and it was about 20 minutes that night. Yesterday's naps were the same, more fighting in the morning, almost none in the afternoon. So we're plodding along. I'm not sure it's getting per se, but since it's not terrible to begin with, we're going to stay the course.
Last night, night 3, was probably the worst it has been so far. Still about 30 minutes before she fell asleep but it was an intense 30 minutes, the loudest we've had yet. And it killed me because she had been passed out on me nursing before that, but since nursing to sleep isn't part of the plan, I pulled her off for one last diaper check before putting her to bed. I won't say that I haven't been tempted to give up, especially on the nights, like yesterday, where putting her to sleep probably wouldn't have required much. All I really wanted was to move away from the endless bouncing and rocking. But it was G that said no. It was my idea to try this, he said. And if we really want to give it a chance, then we have to be consistent. He's right of course. And there have been times when it's been so painless. So of course, I'm hoping that as the week goes on, we'll have more of those times.
And I have to admit that her sleep has been vastly improved since we started. I think getting her on a schedule and losing the swaddle went a long way towards that. Yesterday, her afternoon nap was almost 3 hours long. She's had those kinds of naps before, but yesterday was the first time it happened without any intervention from me. What I've noticed is that she does seem to get through the early sleep transitions on her own now. So where she'd cry almost predictably at the 15-20 minute mark, she kind of rolls over and stays asleep. Or, if she wakes up, she moans for a few minutes and goes back to sleep. Before, that would have entailed me being in there rocking for another 20 minutes, helping neither me nor her. And maybe Ferber's right, maybe it helps that she's exactly where she was when she first fell asleep.
So. . . that's where we're at. A few last thoughts and an update tomorrow. . .
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