Ew. Ew. Ew. My legs have had just about all they can take this week. First i had this incident with some cream, sugar, and a coffee cup that ended with super sweet vanilla caramel creamer running down my legs. THEN, last night's thing with the dog turds . . . EW!!!! I'm scared to leave my desk at work today in fear of what might happen next.
I suppose the coffee/cream thing was the most dramatic. I was in the break room getting coffee as usual. And I have a pretty specific coffee ritual. First some sugar and cream in the bottom of the cup (it mixes better that way!). Then nuke it for a few seconds (cuz the coffee gets all cold otherwise, of course). So I'm pulling the mug out of the microwave, and I don't know what happened, but I dropped it on the counter. It shattered and I got creamer and sugar EVERYWHERE. All over the counter, the floor, myself. Basically all over the break room. Dude, I didn't even know I had that much creamer in the cup, but it certainly looked like a lot when I saw it streaming down my legs. My skirt was a mess, splotches of cream all over the place. I'm hoping the dry cleaner can fix it. And then of course, I had to be using sugar-in-the-raw, so I ended up big ol' sugar crystals all stuck everywhere on my calves, ankles, etc. I was wearing sandals, too, and got a bunch of sticky creamy under my foot. Basically it was a disaster. I cleaned everything up, I thought, and went home and changed at lunch. Which wasn't soon enough -- I had to sit around in my sticky skirt all morning!! Well, I guess I didn't have to, but I did. I don't know, I got to work late already, I didn't want to be running back home again.
It was great. I was in our bathroom, trying to wash my feet and legs in the sink. I probably went through a dozen paper towels cleaning everything up. I tried to clean the carpet but you could still see all the sugar laying around all over the place. And then I'm sitting at my desk a little later and thought I felt an itch in my toes. I looked and it turned out that I still had sugar crystals stuck between my toes!!! AND when I got back from lunch later, our admin told me that the cream had actually flown a lot farther than I realized. Apparently, it had also sprayed all over the table which sits a few feet away. And there was a nice long stream dripping down the backs of one of the chairs. Lovely. I'm SO glad no one was using the break room for a meeting that day. Every once in a while, if our conference room is already in use, a couple of the attorneys will use the break room to see clients. How great would that have been. As it was, the entire room smelled like extra sweet vanilla caramel (of course my creamer had to be vanilla caramel that day, too), and I'm pretty sure I gave off quite the odor too.
Anyway, that was on Tues. And honestly, I'm still recovering - I haven't gone near the microwave since. So then yesterday evening, I was out walking the dogs. Had all three of them on leash like always. And its always a little bit of a pain with all 3 of them, especially when one of them poops. Cuz then I'm trying to hold them all still while I pick up the turd, and afterwards, I'm walking around with 3 dogs and bags of poop until I find a garbage can. Plus they never want to poop at the same time so I always have 2 that are trying to still keep walking while the other one is hunkering down. So its already a bit of a challenge.
Yesterday, we get to a corner and Tucker starts doing his thing. There's another guy walking his dog coming up on us, so Bandit and Mia are already feisty and trying to check him out. Tucker sees him and can barely wait to finish pooping, too. The guy says he's going to walk around us, and that's cool. I'm trying to hold them all still and reach over to pick up the poop at the same. I should probably mention too that frickin' Tucker likes to kick after he takes dumps -- I don't know what he thinks he's covering, but he usually misses. And its not like he's dumping on dirt usually, so its not that big of deal. Actually, they all seem to like to find the nicest, most well-taken care of lawns before they do their deeds. I feel bad for the owners. But makes it easier it on me I guess, cuz even when he kicks, its just little pieces of grass flying around anyway.
But yesterday, he was so excited by the sight of the other dog that he's not even paying attention to where he's kicking. You do see where this is going right? Before I know it, he's stepping on his own turd and THEN kicking one out right onto my leg!!! And of course it sticks right on my leg, so I'm flailing around trying to get it off of me. I'm so mad at this point that I'm yelling at Tucker and trying to kick him while I'm at it. So he gets even more antsy and confused and kicks his turds around some more. So by this point, the guy with the dog is probably thinking I'm an idiot. And little pieces of turd are lying all over the sidewalk and some body's lawn. Not to mention a streak of it on my leg. I don't know how else to get it off my leg, so I take one of my poop bags and try to clean it up and only manage to streak it some more. And then I try to pick up the poop and its a huge mess collecting all the pieces, half of which has been stepped on and smeared all over the grass. And some how in all the commotion, I even have a little bit of turd on my finger (probably from trying to pick all the crap up) and I see a little bit on the leash too as I'm finally walking away.
To cap it all off, we were in front of the high school when it all went down, and the marching band and color guard were practicing in the parking lot, and probably watching me beating on my dog and trying to get poop off my leg.
So honestly, do you wonder why I'm reluctant to drink, eat, or really do much of anything at all today?
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