The married life

It's weird. Believe it or not, I'm a terrible sharer. Shocking right? Here I am with a blog, have no problems embarrassing myself in public, etc. Certainly the ladies I met at the bachelorette party last week would be shocked: I was probably the best sharer in the room when we all started talking about sex. But to me, talking about sex is easy. Holding out my life for other people's entertainment is easy, too. Because I'm the first one to laugh about it.

What's hard for me are the more personal, not so funny, things. I hold that stuff pretty close to my chest. I remember one time G told a friend about a fight we had, and I was so mad that we had an even bigger fight. Of course I can't tell you what it was that we fought about cuz that would be sharing something that's kind of personal, and I'd have to kill you after. And actually, I, er, kind of can't remember now, although it seemed huge at the time. Anyway, the point is that I draw some pretty fixed lines in the sand. Lines that might be hard (or impossible) for anyone else to see. Even with the sex talk.

Before I met G, I could brood about something for weeks and weeks and never share it with anybody. And there were probably things about my life that I'd only ever talked about with a few close friends. And honestly, I never thought much of it. Now, he's here, and I tell him everything. Seriously, every little thing, every random thought that pops into my head, he hears about. Of course I have some friends too that are fairly tolerant of me and don't mind me going on about stuff. But the nice thing about a husband is that he's always around when I need him. He has to listen (though I think he's secretly thinking about other stuff pretty much whenever I'm talking) and his hours of availability are pretty darn good.

Until this last week when he went on a fishing trip. Which was great, except that since Fri, I had been wanting to gripe about something and he wasn't around. It drove me totally, completely nuts. It wasn't anything earth-shattering, and actually its something he's heard a lot about these last few months. So nothing new. But just the fact that I couldn't just go on about it made the whole thing feel SO heavy. Fortunately, my friend let me get it all out of my system late Sat night, so I didn't spend the whole weekend working myself up into a tizzy.

But it had me thinking: when did this happen? How did it happen? Definitely gone are the weeks and weeks of brooding. Apparently, I can barely manage to hold something in for a day or two. No one told me I was signing up for this when I got married. It's not that I missed him exactly. Well, of course I did miss him, too. I'm always happier when he's around (though its cool to get some girlie movies in while he's gone). But I guess what I hadn't fully realized before is all the ways in which he keeps me sane. Which is nice. But its a little freaky too. Cuz what does say about my sanity when he's not around? Not to mention that it makes me seem totally dependent, which is the last thing I would have called myself a few years ago.

So . . . kind of on this note, and as part of a continuing effort to get a little more activity on this blog, I thought I'd throw in a little poll. Good or bad, I guess we all change a little when we're in a relationship. And its fine. But isn't there that one little thing that you kind of miss a little from your single days? Maybe just a teensy bit? If so, tell me about it by voting on the little poll to your right. I think you can do it anonymously, but its my first time playing around with the gadget, so I'm not sure if it works. If people seem to like the whole poll thing, maybe I'll start trying to throw on a few more now and again. Assuming I can think of questions to ask -- even this one was hard.