Around the water cooler

Said to me yesterday by some one who barely knows me and just started working here: mentioning that she used to bank with Citibank but, "no offense to your people, but I hated calling with questions and always getting some one in India who couldn't speak English." Um, ok. No offense to your people but I can't stand going into those Vietnamese salons cuz those ladies always seem to be talking about me behind my back and anyway the last time I went in for a waxing they totally ruined my face. I mean, seriously, right? I'm not easily offended but how would she know that?

After wondering for a week about who's been dipping into my coffee creamer, a co-worker made me a sign for the next one I bring in (seeing as how the last super large one disappeared in about a week). I showed off the sign to my office mates and ranted for a second about people stealing my creamer. No response for a second before one (same girl as above -- no offense to her people or anything, but I hate how Vietnamese people steal stuff, don't you?) chimed in, saying, "Oh, I grabbed some." Then, my other office mate also 'fesses up too and says he might have been guilty a few times also! Dude, those things aren't cheap, I paid almost $5 for that thing and expected it to last a good couple of weeks. And I'm not here to support everyone else's coffee drinking habit. It was all settled amicably though, and one of them went out during lunch and brought in another one. But here's what I don't get, and what G also pointed out when I told him about it last night. The governemnt does not provide anything for free. Not filtered water, not coffee -- people that want any all chip in together and get it. So never mind first of all that my creamer had my initials on it (and as far as I know, neither of these people share them). But seriously, if something's in the fridge and it wasn't something you brought in, why go near it? When there's absolutely no chance of it being communal property or something bought for us by work? Sounds like G's been having the same issues at work for a while now, including some one grabbing his big container of soup one time (you know those big, kinda expensive ones from delis like Nob Hill?) and ate half. Which we also don't get. Why not just finish it and replace it if you're going to take it? When they finally find me my own office, which I guess is supposed to happen one of these days, I'm bringing in a little college fridge so I don't have to deal with the thieves.

Current Case: a 17yo girl weighing 340 pounds. Reading at a 2nd grade level, math at a 3rd grade level. Records show that she showed up at least once to her doctor for a pregnancy test because she's had unprotected sex, going to show of course that there's always some one out there for everyone. Also, she's already been in trouble with the law for carjacking; I'm guessing she got caught because she couldn't get away fast enough. Or she couldn't fit in the seat in order to drive it away. Said her mother repeatedly during the hearing: "She ain't with me when that happened" just in case someone wanted to blame her for it, I suppose. But get this, wanna know why she wasn't with her when it happened? Cuz she'd been incarcerated herself and her kids were in foster care. You know, lady, if I were you, I'd maybe not emphasize the point quite so much, cuz some how it doesn't really exonerate you as a parent. Not in the way I think you think it does.

Also said to me this week by one of the whitest boys I've seen (the other coffee thief, by the way): "You know, I don't think of myself as white. I never have. Actually if I considered myself anything, it'd probably be Indian." And then he proceeded to do this weird ass head rolling thing that he claimed proved his Indianness. At best, I can describe as some cross between a head shake and a head roll. I suppose it could have been an Indian person, but maybe a really high Indian Bharatnatyam dancer doing a move. He then proceeded to explain to me how Indian people do this all the time and because he could do it, he was Indian. That and he had gone to India. I won't even go into how annoying I'd found his India trip conversations in the past, except to say that I've been the recipeint of numerous knowing nods and comments indicating our close Indian bond, which of course we now share because he knows everything there is to know about my people. No wait, our people, excuse me.

Who says my job is boring?