a taste of hell

So I'm in a training class near Seattle for a few weeks, and so far its been excruciating. Wait, did I say that? I meant exciting.

First off, its not in Seattle. Its in Auburn, about 45 minutes south of Seattle, in this amazing industrial area that's full of awesome things to do. On our first day, my co-worker and I ventured out for lunch and downtown Auburn was largely boarded up, clearly having been affected by the economy. Before the economy tanked, I'm sure this was a booming town with lots of life. On Yelp, there were a whopping 3 places with reviews within a few mile radius, and one of them was called Big Daddy's. I suggested going there and C, my co-worker, thought she wouldn't have enough singles to pay the dancers. Thank goodness we have 8 more days here, so plenty more opportunities. Fortunately on that first day, we were able to find the one restaurant that served alcohol, and I got right to it.

We're staying in Federal Way, Washington which is as amazing as it sounds. When asked about our best dinner options in the area, one of the girls in the class who lives locally suggested "McGrath's Fish House." And I think the training class did get together and go there that very night. Being anti-social, I decided to skip the group outing, though the whole fish house thing was tempting, I admit. But our options don't end there. Actually, Federal Way has proved to be a thriving metropolis complete with a Pho joint, a Denny's, and even an Indian restaurant. So we really lucked out. (Actually we kind of did, I heard the last time they had a training session here, the class stayed at a hotel that had nothing for miles around. The hotel shuttle took everyone to Safeway and that was about it.)

The government doesn't pay for rental cars. Instead, they provide a shuttle that takes everyone to and from the training class every day. Which is so much better. Especially with the class being in this industrial complex, there's a little stink of high school to the whole experience, or maybe summer camp. For those of us that loved that period and want to relive it. Except I'm loving it SO much more this time around. Cuz OMG -- I totally have a rental car and can go off campus for lunch. And don't have to take the bus to school. C and I decided to split a rental car, and I have to say that it's probably the best decision we've made. Walking past the losers waiting for the shuttle yesterday was so worth it. And of course we totally have the option of hitting Big Daddy's for lunch which no one else does.

Training itself consists of the instructors reading verbatim a manual I already looked at when I first started work 3 months ago. But I hear it'll get much better next week, when we get to work on actual practice cases. You know, a lot like what we do at our jobs normally, except watered down for training purposes. So I got tons to look forward to. We have 2 instructors. One is this uptight lady pretending to be fun. The other is an older ready for retirement guy who seems about as bored teaching the material as I feel listening to him. There's a second class, and they seem to have gotten the stand up comedian lecturer. So I'm bummed about that. Plus I hear they have a crazy lady, and I'm bummed about that too. Think of how much more exciting this blog post would have been. People come from offices all across the country to attend the class, and a surprising majority of them seem to think this is the best job in the world. So I'm very curious about where they used to work.

About the best thing about the whole experience is that my co-worker C had to come at the same time. Of all the people at work I would have liked to come with, she's the one. For one thing, she's pregnant and will never be too drunk to drive. And, as has been pointed out by our co-workers, we're kind of work BFFs. So omg, how perfect right? We can totally pass notes during class! And she ran into an old co-worker of hers who now works at a different social security office and was lucky enough to comee to training at the same time. So the three of us spend a lot of time griping. And act better than everyone else by taking off in the rental car for trips into exciting Auburn. And C and I spend most of the day chatting through our interoffice communicator. Which has been a godsend. At moment we're trying to decide if we'll get asked to prom and by whom. Plus I noticed early on that one of the instructors is a little grammatically challenged so now we spend our time pointing out her verbal mistakes. And I will admit, the instructor provides great fodder in general with an unending supply of random phrases, which when you're bored out of your mind, is at least something to focus on. For example, yesterday she said something about Walmart being known for helping people. Really? Since when? Have you guys heard about this? Last I heard, Walmart was known for gender discrimination and skimping on health insurance. On another ocassion, she told us about how great morphine was. How awesome would it have been to have had some on hand? I mean, the drinking at lunch is all right, but it made me want to pee constantly and get sleepy. And unless I'm doing shots, I can't drink fast enough to get sufficiently drunk.

And its nice to have some one help pass the time. Yesterday, for example, when I was so bored that I couldn’t even think of something to google, C mentioned that she saw that it was Prince Harry's birthday (I had noticed that too, I'm suddenly very current on celebrity gossip). But she took it furher and started to wonder why Prince Harry looked so different than his dad and brother, so googled "Prince Harry's real father" and ran across an entire conspiracy theory about a Princess Diana affair. That had me entertained for a good 20 minutes. I think I can safely say that I would have never thought to google that on my own.

Plus, I'm working on my sarcasm font which I'll hopefully be able to patent and make millions. I've needed one a lot these last few days and am amazed there isn't one already. So I got all kinds of things going on right now. If my blogging is slim the next few days, you know why.

Still, despite the hours of entertainment, training has taken its toll. Yesterday, I emailed G and casually mentioned that I discovered 6-7 white strands in my hair (mostly to point out how bored I had been at the hotel and how terrible the lighting was). He immediately figured it had to do with the nightmare I've been forced to endure. Which is a whole new point I hadn't considered. Training is giving me gray hair!!! And at the end of the day yesterday, one of the coordinators saw me and said, "Oh wow, you look so beat down." I think that sums up my current state pretty darn well - beat down and deflated. On the plus side, its almost the end of the day Wed and the first week is almost half over. Only 7 days and five and a half hours to go.