Bandit update

Oops wrote this on Sat but looks like I forgot to post it for some reason. 

We went to the vet Friday, but we're still not entirely sure what is happening next.  The vet thinks Bandit has multiple issues, big shocker.  She thinks that Bandit's right leg is worse than the left, and the weakness is probably related to her arthritis, neurological issues, and possibly a ruptured disc.  The arthritis has been an problem for a long time, but it's looking like it's finally starting to wear her down.  The neurological issues -- Bandit can't quite tell where her leg is in relation to the ground.  This is something I remember our specialist telling us also. Back then, it seemed to be a slowed reaction more than anything else.  Now, if you pick up her leg and drop it back down, she holds it up just a bit off the ground.  And the ruptured disc would explain the new sudden downturn.  But it has nothing to do with Gregg getting too rough or any specific injury, just mostly likely wear and tear that finally caused one of the discs along her back to rupture.  The vet was actually great and drew a picture to help me understand it all, but not really sure I can reproduce it here.

So what does it all mean?  Your guess is as good as mine.  Initially, the plan was to start her on some non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medication (NSAIDS).  If they worked (and didn't cause too many side effects) they might at least keep Bandit pain free for the time being.  But then they ran some blood tests and Bandit's liver and kidney enzymes are elevated.  So now the vet is worried about the meds hurting Bandit more than they might help.  She wants to consult with our specialist before putting Bandit on them, as some of the elevated enzymes are probably related to her Cushing's Disease.  Until that conversation happens, we're at a bit of a standstill.  In the meantime, we have some painkillers that we just started giving.  Maybe they'll help a bit, maybe they won't.

If the NSAIDS aren't an option, or don't end up working, there aren't too many things left to try.  Apparently there are several different kinds, but they're not easy on the system, and Bandit just might not be able to handle it anymore.  The painkillers might help for a bit, or sometimes putting Bandit back on the steroids might do it too, the vet said.  Or we could try getting her wheels, but honestly, that's beyond my stretching point.

The appointment lasted over 3 hours (which is awesome considering it was on a day I was supposed to be working from home) and cost approximately $650.  And then I ended up having to go back also, which ate up another hour.  The second trip was to go back with a pee sample since they had been unable to collect any pee from Bandit while we had been there.  After the doc wasn't able to collect some directly from Bandit's bladder, the tech even had me hold Bandit up outside while she followed me around with a ladle. So then when we got home, I got the fun task of holding Bandit up and trying to collect her pee into a platic tray. 

I guess nothing else to do but wait and see for a few more days.

Update:  not much else to report.  Bandit is the same.  Due to schedule issues, the vets never did get a chance to talk to each other.  In the meantime, Bandit has been on some general painkillers that aren't helping.  More blood tests came back and the regular vet is even more reluctant to put Bandit on the NSAIDS, although she's said now that it's up to us if we want to try them.  If Bandit's inability to walk is due to arthritis, the NSAIDs will help (though not without side effects).  If it's mostly neurological, they will not help but still cause the side effects.  It's anybody's guess at this point how Bandit will react to the drugs. 

Also, that pee I collected apparently had a fair bit of blood in it, so there might be some other issue going on that we will need to explore if Bandit manages to hold on for much longer. 

We've now officially hit the 2 week mark -- 2 weeks since Bandit has been able to walk on her own and nothing has really changed. 

nearing the end again

For the last week, Bandit has once again been deteriorating. She hasn't been able to walk more than a few feet on her own since last Thurs or so.  We have had to help her up to pee (and hold her there while she does it.  Once she peed on Gregg's leg, so now I make sure to give her a wide berth).  More often than not, she poops sitting down and leaves us a little pile to clean up from under her.  Unlike previous episodes, her appetite seems just fine, and she's been drinking up a storm too. Mentally, she seems quite with it. And randomly, even during the last week, she'll manage to surprise.  Once, Gregg left her on the lawn, and she actually seemed to have gotten up and moved closer to the house all by herself.  The other day, she grabbed onto a toy that Mia had and held onto it.  The two of them tugged for quite a while until Mia finally gave up.  This morning, they did something similar, except that the interaction seemed a bit more hostile, so I broke it up quickly before Mia tried to jump an old dog.

I know that Gregg's been struggling with it more than I have.  For me, I've been thinking for a while that it's time.  I've hated seeing Bandit like this.  I don't want to remember Bandit this way, as a dog who pooped and peed on herself all the time.  I guess I want her to go as I would want to, on a high note.  But I can see those moments that Gregg struggles with.  Looking at her these days, some people might not even guess that she's as far gone as she actually is.  Her coat looks good, she looks up at you when you come over.  And really, her life isn't all that much different in a lot of ways.  She slept all day anyway.  But then the time comes for her to go outside and do her thing, and it's just not happening anymore.

We've been waiting this week to see if she perks up again.  Well, I know that Gregg has.  This dog does seem to have like a million lives, so there was always a chance it was just another blip. But it's been a week now.  He's been waiting too for our vet to call back.  Turned out that she was out all week, and finally got back Tues.  Specifically, we wanted to know if the current episode was due to Bandit's legs.  She definitely seems weak in the back legs, that's what keeps her from walking.  And Gregg said he pushed her around a bit last week after he found her sitting in her poop YET AGAIN, and since then she hasn't been able to get up or walk.

Our vet called me back yesterday and basically said there wasn't anything else she could think of.  She'd be happy to examine her and see if there was something fixable, but from what I described, she thinks it's just weakness that could be neurological or related to her arthritis.  She didn't seem to really buy Gregg's injury theory (thank goodness, cuz I wasn't liking the thought of him feeling guilty over this).  But regardless, not a whole lot to do unless we want to subject her to a bunch of x-rays and tests.  She suggested that if we wanted to, we could take her into our regular vet (this vet is our Cushing's specialist) to talk about possibly some pain medications that could help her.  But I think she was just trying to help us grasp at straws.  And is thinking that any vet we see will probably tell us what she already knows.  Since 10 minutes out of our 11.5 minute conversation focused on quality of life issues, I have a  pretty good idea what our vet thinks.  And she came out and said that we were in the hospice stage at this point, so it was up to us to decide how far we want to take this.

So we'll see.  I'm taking her to our regular vet this morning and then I guess we can figure out what to do next.  

convo #2

The background
As many of you may remember, my mom visited us for about a month around the time that Diya was born.  We had a lot of little blow ups during that time because that's what my mom and I do.  A particularly memorable one is when she got on my case for drinking one can of Sprite during the time that she was here.  A can that I probably didn't finish because I rarely finish cans of soda and end up just sharing them with Gregg (who'll take like 3 big gulps and before I know it, it's all gone).  Anyway, I remember that the can cost me a good half hour or so of complaining about how that can't be good for the baby (I was nursing at the time and Diya was probably just a week or two old), and how I shouldn't be drinking soda with all that sugar, etc etc.  BTW, my mom thought there was nothing with me consuming up to several cups of coffee each day, but omg, the soda, the horror. 

Also
I feel strongly that Diya doesn't need juice.  She's old enough now to have some, but juice is actually considered pretty terrible for babies. They offer only empty calories, they can interfere with nutrient absorption, the actual fruit is supposed to be a better way to get the nutrients rather than the ingesting in the processed form of juice.  Anyway, it's not great, but unfortunately, Diya's been pretty constipated and prune and apple juice are both supposed to help with that.  So after talking to our pediatrician about it, I've been giving her small amounts of a prune/apple juice + water cocktail after each meal to help regulate her.  I'm not wild about it, but I don't want her to be all plugged up either.  The goal has always been to wean her off of it as soon as her body adjusts to the new foods in her system. 

The convo
My mom:  But didn't you guys have juice while you were growing up?

Me:  Sure, but what does that matter?  I don't want Diya having it.  You guys let us drink it, so we had it.  (I swear, I tried hard not to sound accusing here.  Because, honestly, I don't see it as a point of childhood abuse or anything.  Whatever, we had juice, we're still alive.  It's not a big deal, but I feel strongly about it now.  It's just that my mom was already starting to sound a little whiney and I was already a bit riled up.  So I wasn't trying to be accusing, but I can't guarantee that my tone didn't sound annoyed). 

My mom:  Isn't it worse to have soda? 

Me:  Yeah, but I keep reading about how juice is one of the top 5 worst things to give to kids. 

My mom:  But isn't soda just as bad?  There's so much sugar in it. 

Me:   Um, yes.  But it's not like I'm going to be letting Diya drink soda either. 

My mom:    But you drink it.  (And I swear, she said this like she was winning some sort of huge point). 

The analysis
I will bet any of you a thousand dollars that this was her passive aggressive reference to me drinking that one can of Sprite over 6 months ago. 

The supporting evidence

1. I am VERY sure that this is the only can of soda my mother has seen me drink in like 20 years.  Not because it's the only one I've had, but it doesn't really happen with that much frequency (anywhere from a few times a week to every month or so).  But more significantly, the times that I'm around my mother happen with even less frequency. 
2. My mother is the queen of passive aggressive.  When the initial sprite incident happened, she brought it up for a good week or so after every time Diya seemed fussy or burped.  As she did a separate incident where I had a few slices of cheesy pizza.  When I rolled our garbage and recycling out to the curb a week or so after my c-section, she berated me for a good half hour.  And then mentioned it off and on for weeks, especially to Gregg because I'm pretty sure she felt that he should have been the one to take the cans out (even though he didn't even realize I was taking the garbage out any more than she did -- they were both hanging out in the living room when I did it).  She didn't come out and actually say that to him, but she must have told him at least a half dozen times how I shouldn't be doing things like that so soon after my surgery.  And then she wanted me to ask my doctor about it at my next appointment 2 weeks later. 
3. I can think of ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER POINT to this conversation. We literally went from talking about constipation and juice to discussing the sugar content in soda.  The juices I give Diya don't even have any added sugar in them.  You draw me some other line that makes even a little bit of sense, and I will happily consider it.   

all felt up

My mom is here this week to help care for Diya.  And don't get me wrong, it's great to have her here while Diya is still in her cast.  But as always, it can be a bit of a mixed bag as well.  My favorite moment thus far?  On Sat, after she'd arrived, she made a comment about how I looked even thinner now than before I was pregnant.  It's true, I do weigh a couple pounds less.  So I said, yes, I probably have, but man, I can't seem to lose this pregnant belly.  So I don't know where the weight is coming off from exactly.  And she made a comment about how, yeah, that can take some time, blah blah blah.  A typical conversation would have ended there. 

But a conversation with my mother included a followup.  Later in the day, she happened to see my belly while I was sitting on the couch pumping.  And I'm not being self deprecating or anything.  I really do still have a baby bump. I manage to hide it with clothes but there's no question that it's there.  If I were a celebrity, I'd be all over the cover of US magaize with a baby bump question mark plasted all over my middle.  So my mom looks at it, does a bit of a double take, and then starts RUBBING IT, going, "oh,  is this what you meant by a big belly."  And said something else like, wow, it is a big belly.   The comments alone would have been sufficient, but who am I, Buddha?

Um, thanks?  And yah, definitely thanks for feeling me up.  Love that.  It's like when I first had the baby and started nursing.  I swear, she'd start feeling up my boobs, to - well, I'm not sure what exactly.  To determine if I was full?  To see if I had milk-producing boobs?  To somehow feel like she was helping my milk come out??

I told this story to my co-worker yesterday and she started cracking up (which had been mostly my reaction when it was happening, but I'm not crazy, right?  It's weird?).  And my co-worker mentioned how she's reading Tina Fey's book at the moment, and there's an anecdote in there about her going bra shopping with her mother and her mom making her try on bras at the store with her shirt on, just out in public instead of using the dressing rooms.  Or something like that.  And how it had been mortifying at the time, but now, as a mom, she (as in Tina Fey) sort of gets it because you spend so much time pulling boogers out of their noses that this kind of thing becomes 2nd nature.  I mean, what's a little feel up when you've been pulling boogers out of their noses and wiping the poop off their butts for years?  I'm probably totally misrepresenting the actual anectode.   But the point I think was that maybe it's easy for parents to forget boundaries because when their children are little, there are none really. 

So of course, now I remember my mom feeling me up trying to guage my bra size when I was a teenager and her doing it with my little brother in tow.  And then am realizing there's really no point to this story other than just sharing it, and I should have just stopped with the story instead of trying to analyze it.  But OMG, will I do this sort of thing to my children too? 

love

So these last few weeks, I've been home with Diya, and I've been struck by what a different experience it is than while I was on my maternity leave.  Maternity leave was tough for me. I felt like I couldn't leave the house, didn't have anyone to talk to, and that I was held hostage by this little baby that ate and slept pretty much whenever she felt like it.  Gregg would come home and I'd be ready to tear my hair out.  There were days when I couldn't even pee without her screaming the whole time.  Slowly it got better, of course, but still I felt pretty isolated, even though I knew that I'd miss the time once I went back to work.   

And then lately, we've been so plagued with medical issues, it seems, that I've almost forgotten what an amazing kid I have.  Well, not forgotten, but you know what I man.  And you guys, OMG, I have this awesome awesome kid.  It's crazy to see her developing a personality.  At least I think it's a personality.  Maybe all babies are like this at first.  But she's super easy going and cheerful.  She's smiling and happy more often than not, even despite all the medical issues going on.  Sometimes she'll fuss over something that's annoying but then come to terms with it all on her own.  Her daily antibiotics, for example, were a pain to get in her initially.  But within a couple of weeks, she decided that that's how life was now and just decided to accept it.  Now she smiles when we give it to her and opens her mouth.  Diaper changes were also a pain after the cast because she'd scream the whole time.  Within a couple of days, she was over it.  And what's cool is that she doesn't just tolerate, she's started smiling and playing around. 

Plus, I think she might be a bit of a goof ball like her dad.    When she laughs, it's loud and long and adorable.  The other day, I was wiping her mouth with a burp cloth and she started doing this Native American war cry. You know the one I mean, right, from the cartoons?  Where they start patting against their mouth with the palms of their hands and making a little cry?  Well, our kid does it now and thinks it's hilarious.  Yesterday, she was sitting on me fell onto my chest a bit and planted a little spit ball there.  She thought that was also hilarious and couldn't stop laughing.  She giggles sometimes when I'm trying to put her to sleep.  She laughs at the dogs and tries to grab them when they're close by.  Her new favorite game now is to do screaming contests with me.  We'll square off and see who can be louder. 

Since the cast, she can't really sit up or anything, so she mostly sits on her booster seat the kitchen table and bangs the crap out of it with her toys. She drops things and waits for me to pick them up.  She'll hang out while I cook or wash dishes, perfectly content to play on her own.  Until I look over at her and she'll start screaming or smiling.   Back when I was on maternity leave, I was lucky if she entertained herself for a few minutes, now it seems she could go on for a good while so long as she has something to play with or look at.  It doesn't have to be much, a coaster, an empty soda can, a plastic cup, pretty much anything we can find around our house.  Who knew we didn't even need to invest in all these toys. 

She's been mostly sleeping through the night since month 1 (though with various interruptions for teething and other milestones).  She didn't eat solids much at first, but now gobbles down with no problems.  She's not picky, will eat whatever we feed her.  Although she didn't always, she naps fairly well now too during the day.  She babbles like crazy, saying a new sound almost every day now, it seems.  In so many ways, I feel that we've lucked out with her (knock on wood) because I know a lot of parents who haven't had it so easy.  It's not always fun and games, of course.  When she wants to be difficult, she definitely knows how to push our buttons.  And lately, she's taken to screaming when things don't go her way.  When food is taking to long to come to her (i.e. more than 30 seconds), when we take something away she wants to play with, she'll definitely let us know. 

I just can't wait to watch her keep growing and see the little girl she becomes.