Last weekend, we went up to visit G's dad and dad's gf. It was a nice weekend, and although our kid didn't really want a whole lot to do with her grandpa, she loved saying "gampa" and looking for him when he wasn't in the room. And he got her a monkey puppet that she loved. A week later, she remembers that he was the one that gave it to her. She loved his dogs, Bo-Bo and "Tetie" too. Anyway, throughout the weekend, my father-in-law's girlfriend, B, kept telling us how spoiled the little D is. Like constantly. I hate to complain because she's mostly pretty sweet, but OMG already. Even G got a little fed up, which is actually saying a lot.
It had me thinking -- how spoiled is our kid? I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't have a lot of illusions. I know we shower a heck of a lot of attention on her. We've rarely let her cry for more than a few minutes. If she throws a fit, I'll either give in or redirect her. Sure, we'll ignore sometimes and she'll get over it, but more often than not, we'll at least try to distract her with something funny. I think it's a combination of self-preservation as well as the desire to not have her be too unhappy. Just a few weeks ago, I was telling a friend that I kind of let her do whatever she wants. And this isn't entirely accurate, but I do feel like I weigh each scenario in my head. Say, for example, she's sitting at the dinner table and playing with the butter knife. How much do I really care so long as she's happy? Is it worth a tantrum right now? Probably not. I mean, I know she's not going to stab herself with the knife. If it were a kitchen knife, it might be a different story, but chances are, I'd just let things be.
It's probably why half the time now, we let her take her meals outside, G going so far as to move her high chair out there last night. The sudden screaming fits coming in for dinner just wasn't worth it to us. So yah, spend more than a few days at our house, and I think it'd be very clear who rules the roost.
But here's the thing. The little D didn't display any crazy behaviors last weekend. She wasn't throwing tantrums left and right. She ate nicely at the table and then asked to get down. She didn't knock over the dog water bowl or play in it. We left her in her crib at night and she fell asleep. She didn't start crying and we didn't rush to her side. And in fact, she'd wake up early, and then hang out in her crib for over an hour until we were ready to get up. "Mom and Dad are still sleeping," I'd say, and I have no idea what she did after that. I heard a little humming, some talking to the dogs, but I was mostly out. Honestly, I thought she was pretty darn well behaved. So I guess what I'm saying is, how the heck did she seem spoiled last weekend? And I certainly wasn't the one giving her pretzels and cookies before each meal either.
I was talking about it with a coworker the other day and we were wondering if part of it is generational. There is something that we do that I'm guessing B maybe didn't. We pretty much follow the little D around everywhere. One of us is usually playing with her exclusively if we're both home. "Sit" our daughter will tell us, patting the floor beside her as she's playing. And what do we do? We sit, of course, doing as we're told. If she wanders to another room, we follow. Actually she usually asks us to come with her. "Go!" She'll point. I don't know if it's her personality or just what we've accustomed her to, but she likes having us close. If she's playing with something, she likes to show us. I guess you could say she's bossy and we take our orders well. If I'm home alone with her and need to start dinner, I'll usually have her on the floor of the kitchen or on the counter next to me. The farthest she might be is around the corner on her play mat. If she's outside, chances are she's perfectly happy digging in the dirt on her own. And I would probably take advantage to wash a few dishes or start a load of laundry. But I come out and check often and usually find myself fairly quickly setting down next to her as soon as I've done a few things.
G is mostly the same. When he's not running around the house with her on his shoulders or tickling her, he's keeping an eye on her outside while he waters the lawn or does yard work. These days, we've even enlisted the little D's help, handing over bean seeds for her to plant or having her point out dog turds for us to pick up in the yard.
Honestly? I think that's exactly how it ought to be. She's not really old enough to play on her own for extended periods. And I kind of like it. Last weekend, she sat on the front step and pointed next to her as always. Sit! I did, and she sidled over next to me, put her arms on my legs, and started "chatting." Ummmm. (It's her new thing, I guess I say "um" a lot, and she's started imitating). "Ummm, Cow!" Oh yah, I asked, what does a cow say? "Ooooo!" And on and on we went, her coming up with different animals and then telling me what sound they made. Actually I kind of love it. Sure, our conversations aren't deep. But there will come a time when she's not this happy to spend time with me, and I know I will miss it. But maybe it's considered spoiling? I know my mom has mentioned that when we were growing up in India, she'd set us down and go on about her day -- housework, cooking, whatever else needed doing that day.
And for the record, I'd like to point out that our kid could probably manipulate us far more than she actually does. At night, she's been pushing it a bit for bedtimes, asking for more milk or another book. And of course, we give in at least once. But as soon as she's in her crib, our work is done. She doesn't cry even though she undoubtedly knows that we come running the moment she does. We sit with her for a few minutes before bed in the rocking chair, and before long, she points to the crib and tells us, "Bye!" Remember how we rocked her to sleep til she was one? Apparently, it didn't make her clingy or give her poor sleep habits or keep her from learning how to sleep on her own. So I guess what I'm saying is, if this is where spoiling gets us, it all seems to be working out just fine.
Over the weekend, while she was in her travel crib, she saw me finally open my eyes and look at her. It couldn't have been for longer than a second. But instantly, I saw her lean forward and throw her lovey blanket to the floor. And then heard a loud, "Oh oh!! Get it?!?" When I dragged myself out of bed to grab it for her, she raised her arms, grinned, and said, "down?" So even when she manipulates, damn if it isn't cute.
It had me thinking -- how spoiled is our kid? I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't have a lot of illusions. I know we shower a heck of a lot of attention on her. We've rarely let her cry for more than a few minutes. If she throws a fit, I'll either give in or redirect her. Sure, we'll ignore sometimes and she'll get over it, but more often than not, we'll at least try to distract her with something funny. I think it's a combination of self-preservation as well as the desire to not have her be too unhappy. Just a few weeks ago, I was telling a friend that I kind of let her do whatever she wants. And this isn't entirely accurate, but I do feel like I weigh each scenario in my head. Say, for example, she's sitting at the dinner table and playing with the butter knife. How much do I really care so long as she's happy? Is it worth a tantrum right now? Probably not. I mean, I know she's not going to stab herself with the knife. If it were a kitchen knife, it might be a different story, but chances are, I'd just let things be.
It's probably why half the time now, we let her take her meals outside, G going so far as to move her high chair out there last night. The sudden screaming fits coming in for dinner just wasn't worth it to us. So yah, spend more than a few days at our house, and I think it'd be very clear who rules the roost.
But here's the thing. The little D didn't display any crazy behaviors last weekend. She wasn't throwing tantrums left and right. She ate nicely at the table and then asked to get down. She didn't knock over the dog water bowl or play in it. We left her in her crib at night and she fell asleep. She didn't start crying and we didn't rush to her side. And in fact, she'd wake up early, and then hang out in her crib for over an hour until we were ready to get up. "Mom and Dad are still sleeping," I'd say, and I have no idea what she did after that. I heard a little humming, some talking to the dogs, but I was mostly out. Honestly, I thought she was pretty darn well behaved. So I guess what I'm saying is, how the heck did she seem spoiled last weekend? And I certainly wasn't the one giving her pretzels and cookies before each meal either.
I was talking about it with a coworker the other day and we were wondering if part of it is generational. There is something that we do that I'm guessing B maybe didn't. We pretty much follow the little D around everywhere. One of us is usually playing with her exclusively if we're both home. "Sit" our daughter will tell us, patting the floor beside her as she's playing. And what do we do? We sit, of course, doing as we're told. If she wanders to another room, we follow. Actually she usually asks us to come with her. "Go!" She'll point. I don't know if it's her personality or just what we've accustomed her to, but she likes having us close. If she's playing with something, she likes to show us. I guess you could say she's bossy and we take our orders well. If I'm home alone with her and need to start dinner, I'll usually have her on the floor of the kitchen or on the counter next to me. The farthest she might be is around the corner on her play mat. If she's outside, chances are she's perfectly happy digging in the dirt on her own. And I would probably take advantage to wash a few dishes or start a load of laundry. But I come out and check often and usually find myself fairly quickly setting down next to her as soon as I've done a few things.
G is mostly the same. When he's not running around the house with her on his shoulders or tickling her, he's keeping an eye on her outside while he waters the lawn or does yard work. These days, we've even enlisted the little D's help, handing over bean seeds for her to plant or having her point out dog turds for us to pick up in the yard.
Honestly? I think that's exactly how it ought to be. She's not really old enough to play on her own for extended periods. And I kind of like it. Last weekend, she sat on the front step and pointed next to her as always. Sit! I did, and she sidled over next to me, put her arms on my legs, and started "chatting." Ummmm. (It's her new thing, I guess I say "um" a lot, and she's started imitating). "Ummm, Cow!" Oh yah, I asked, what does a cow say? "Ooooo!" And on and on we went, her coming up with different animals and then telling me what sound they made. Actually I kind of love it. Sure, our conversations aren't deep. But there will come a time when she's not this happy to spend time with me, and I know I will miss it. But maybe it's considered spoiling? I know my mom has mentioned that when we were growing up in India, she'd set us down and go on about her day -- housework, cooking, whatever else needed doing that day.
And for the record, I'd like to point out that our kid could probably manipulate us far more than she actually does. At night, she's been pushing it a bit for bedtimes, asking for more milk or another book. And of course, we give in at least once. But as soon as she's in her crib, our work is done. She doesn't cry even though she undoubtedly knows that we come running the moment she does. We sit with her for a few minutes before bed in the rocking chair, and before long, she points to the crib and tells us, "Bye!" Remember how we rocked her to sleep til she was one? Apparently, it didn't make her clingy or give her poor sleep habits or keep her from learning how to sleep on her own. So I guess what I'm saying is, if this is where spoiling gets us, it all seems to be working out just fine.
Over the weekend, while she was in her travel crib, she saw me finally open my eyes and look at her. It couldn't have been for longer than a second. But instantly, I saw her lean forward and throw her lovey blanket to the floor. And then heard a loud, "Oh oh!! Get it?!?" When I dragged myself out of bed to grab it for her, she raised her arms, grinned, and said, "down?" So even when she manipulates, damn if it isn't cute.
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