So a couple of weeks ago, the little L went on a nursing strike. Apparently there is such a thing, I have since found out through the internet. It involves not nursing. At all. Ever. Apparently, the little L had all the classic signs. She nursed perfectly well (often 5-6 times day), and then suddenly decided that she would scream at my boob instead. The day it happened was a Sat. She nursed that morning, and then we all spent the day at a nearby amusement park. I didn’t nurse while we were there because she was too busy going on the big kid rides, and I figured she’d be distracted. After we got back that afternoon, she seemed fine but beat. She nursed and fell asleep while doing it. Got up, nursed again. Was cranky about an hour later, so even though it hadn’t been that long, I offered again. She bit me twice. I yelped, and pushed her off and didn’t offer again until after dinner, when she refused. She’d had a big dinner though, so we didn’t think much of it.
The real test came during the middle of the night. Usually she woke up to nurse and went right back to sleep. That night, she started to scream instead. She wanted nothing to do with it. But clearly was unhappy because she just kept crying and crying instead. It took us 2 hours to put her back to sleep. I offered numerous times during that time, in various locations around the house. But she was adamant. And without the nursing, she wouldn’t go back to sleep. I think that night, we ended up finally giving her something to eat before she finally calmed down and went back to bed. And that’s how it went, over and over again for a week. Clearly she was miserable but for some reason wouldn’t allow herself to nurse. And she’s never really loved the bottle, so it was a challenge to get her to take much milk at all. She ate a ton, and that was fine, but by day 2, I noticed that her diaper was barely wet, and she was constipated from all the food. So Mon, I called her pediatrician, who told me to push juice any way I could. So between meals, that’s what I did. Sips through a straw, a regular cup, a sippy, whatever she would take. Once I even put some breast milk in a sippy cup and she took it! And in the meantime, I pumped to make sure I wouldn’t lose my milk.
Of course I turned to the internet for advice. I read that babies who stop nursing at this age are almost never weaning. It’s too early for most babies to do this on their own before 18 months. Usually, something sets it off. Often, it’s an overreaction to a bite or teething. So I’m guessing my yelping over the weekend may have had something to do with her sudden refusal. Also, on Sun, a bottom tooth popped up, so we had that going for us, too. I hoped that once the tooth was fully out, she’d come back to nursing but she didn’t. There was tons of advice on how to end a nursing strike on the internet. Take baths with your baby, and offer to nurse while you’re in there. Hang out with your shirt off so that she sees them and remembers how much she loves boobs. Nurse when they’re very sleepy. Sleep with them so that you can offer when they’re barely awake. Feed in a quiet room in the dark. Try different positions. Address teething issues, like maybe a cold rag just before nursing to numb the gums a bit. I called lactation specialists and a local La Leche League member. They offered other ideas, such as showing her pictures or videos of nursing babies, talk to her about nursing, go to a nursing support group where she can watch other babies nurse, maybe pump in front of her to see if she gets jealous. I tried them all. The little L was indifferent. She ignored me and played in the tub. G liked the walking around topless idea but he was the only one (unless some neighbors happened to catch a show). When sleepy, I’d offer and she’d wake right up, protesting as loudly as she could. She yanked on my pump parts. She pushed keys on my computer when I showed her some videos of animals nursing. If I laid on our bed with her next to me, she’d crawl away. At the nursing support group, she crawled around the room full of mostly newborns, and tried to grab all the blankets and car seats that were sitting on the floor. A few times over the course of a week, she’d seem briefly interested and lean in for a quick bite but then immediately pull off. I was careful not to react.
Things started to get better after a few days. I realized that the little L took a bottle when she was very tired but not hysterical, so I made sure to sneak one before every nap and bedtime. In the middle of the night, for the first few days, she would wake up and be up for 2 hours at a time, miserable and not wanting to settle back down. By the 4th night, we had gotten with it enough to get the bottle ready quickly so that she’d drink it and go right back to sleep. Every time she woke up, I’d pump. The 5th night she only woke up once and we started to think that maybe there was something to be said for the bottle. Aside from that, I pushed water and juice as much as possible.
But I was devastated. I wasn’t surprised that it affected me, but I was surprised by how much. I fell into total utter depression. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was a wreck at work. I spent most of my time googling the same sites over and over again and trying to find stories of nursing strikes. Sadly, for every good story out there, there are at least a couple of others where people said their kid just stopped nursing altogether. Or that they waited a few weeks and finally gave up. More often, people would post in forums about it and then never update. I think I even randomly emailed people who had posted years ago asking them how it all turned out. I must have called half a dozen lactation consultants, even though I knew by the second that they wouldn’t have anything new to offer. The one thing that all the lactation consultants said over and over again was to NOT STRESS. When I offered to nurse, pretend like I didn’t care one way or the other. This was so much easier said than done. Don’t freak out about her not getting enough fluids or nutrition, they said. She will get what she needs. She’s not going to let herself starve. So just keep offering as much as you can without pressure. And I kept trying, but each time she rejected it (me), I felt more and more emotionally drained.
I also made the mistake of telling lots of people about it. Because, you know, that’s pretty much all I thought about. And I have to say that about 98% of the responses I got did not help at all. So by the end of the week, I only mentioned it to people I knew wouldn’t say something ridiculous. And really, it was no one’s fault but my own, so I’m not trying to rag on anyone in particular. I guess I should have expected that the 60-year-old male judge in my office was not going to say something comforting. But I have to say that it was across the board. One of the most common things I heard from other moms was, “Maybe she’s weaning.” And then proceed to tell me how their kid weaned at 11 months or their friend’s kid suddenly stopped too. Another common response was to point out the good stuff like, oh, at least with a bottle you can get your husband to help at nighttime. Or, I can’t believe you’re still pumping so much. I wasn’t looking for silver linings at that point, and honestly, was feeling like nothing else really seemed that important. I realized that unless someone had a good story to share (Oh, I went through this. It was SO hard, but we got through it), it was best if they just said, “Sorry. I hope it gets better.” Or one coworker started telling me about something she’s been really stressed out about with her kid and said something along the lines of, “Man, kids can be such rotters; stress us out so much, but it always gets better, doesn’t it no matter how it turns out?” I found that surprisingly helpful. Otherwise, each time I mentioned it, especially during the first few days, I found myself just getting more bummed out. The lady from the La Leche League was hugely comforting and helpful, so I started emailing her constantly with random questions. I’m not a member of La Leche League, so I wonder if she started to feel overwhelmed with the sheer number of emails each day.
It’s odd. After our first kid, I was prepared mentally for nursing to not always be perfect. I loved nursing D, but there were always periods when she rejected the boob and only wanted the bottle. And it was rough for me, but we were pretty successful overall, and I realized it was fine. We got off a rocky start, but then eventually settled in. I don’t think she loved nursing though. And in retrospect, she must have gone on strikes, as well. I just didn’t realize that’s what they were. If D had suddenly stopped nursing altogether at 11 months, I would have been sad but probably more accepting. With the little L, it’s been different. I’ve often talked to my friends about how much easier it’s been this time around. This girl LOVES to nurse, and the issues we’ve dealt with it have been the exact opposite. Getting her to take a bottle. Trying to figure out how to get her to stop nursing quite so damn much. Honestly, I’ve been more worried about how I’m going to stop nursing. And that’s the other thing. I don’t plan on doing this for much longer. With D, I stopped pumping at 13 months, and expected the end of nursing to follow soon after. It was gradual and expected, and although sad, right. When researching nursing strikes, I’d read random posts from women who’d say things like, “Yeah, we went through this, and now we’re still going strong at 3 years.” Uh, no thank you. I don’t want to be one of those people. I want my body back. And after a year, I don’t think there’s really much benefit to nursing anyway. So up until now, I’ve worried about how the heck I’m going to get the little one off me. We’re nowhere near the point we were at with D at this age. I’m still breastfeeding several times a day and a couple of times at night. So some times over that week of striking, I wondered if I should just accept it. If somehow, she was offering me an easy way out. If I should take advantage and wean while I could because it might be too hard later. And really, what’s the difference between 10.5 months and a year.
But I couldn’t bring myself to accept this. The cold turkey thing just didn’t work for me. And I just kept thinking, goddammit, of all the things we’ve dealt with this time around, nursing has never been one of them. Why couldn’t she pick something else to challenge me with? I’m sure there were hormonal things going on that weren’t helping. And I just couldn’t understand because through it all, the little L didn’t seem happy either.
The strike lasted 6 days, and it felt like months. Suddenly, on the 6th night, it was as if the strike had never been. G and I were still on a high from the night before, when she’d gotten up just once, quickly taken a bottle, and gone right back to sleep. So I almost didn’t try at all, thinking maybe it was time to give us both a break. I was getting tired of the rejection. But in the end, I couldn’t help it. I figured I’d try just for a minute while G got the bottle ready. And what do you know, she went right back to it. No hesitation, not a second thought. I don’t think I breathed the whole time, and a part of me expected her to wake up screaming any minute. And the next morning, I was still 50/50 as to whether she’d come back for good. I worried that it had been a random half-drowsy middle of the night lapse that she’d quickly forget about. But apparently, she’s back, because since then, she’s been nursing non-stop. In fact, I’m regretting any comments I made during the strike to the effect, man, I now miss those nights when she woke up every hour or two wanting to nurse. I’d take that over this any day. I gotta say, that was pure desperation talking. But I am happy that things are back to normal. I still keep waiting for it to happen again. This last weekend, she bit me again a few times, and while I was careful to not scream, I did stop nursing when she did it. And I wondered if she’d again retaliate by not nursing. She didn’t. So we’ll see, but for now, all is good.
The real test came during the middle of the night. Usually she woke up to nurse and went right back to sleep. That night, she started to scream instead. She wanted nothing to do with it. But clearly was unhappy because she just kept crying and crying instead. It took us 2 hours to put her back to sleep. I offered numerous times during that time, in various locations around the house. But she was adamant. And without the nursing, she wouldn’t go back to sleep. I think that night, we ended up finally giving her something to eat before she finally calmed down and went back to bed. And that’s how it went, over and over again for a week. Clearly she was miserable but for some reason wouldn’t allow herself to nurse. And she’s never really loved the bottle, so it was a challenge to get her to take much milk at all. She ate a ton, and that was fine, but by day 2, I noticed that her diaper was barely wet, and she was constipated from all the food. So Mon, I called her pediatrician, who told me to push juice any way I could. So between meals, that’s what I did. Sips through a straw, a regular cup, a sippy, whatever she would take. Once I even put some breast milk in a sippy cup and she took it! And in the meantime, I pumped to make sure I wouldn’t lose my milk.
Of course I turned to the internet for advice. I read that babies who stop nursing at this age are almost never weaning. It’s too early for most babies to do this on their own before 18 months. Usually, something sets it off. Often, it’s an overreaction to a bite or teething. So I’m guessing my yelping over the weekend may have had something to do with her sudden refusal. Also, on Sun, a bottom tooth popped up, so we had that going for us, too. I hoped that once the tooth was fully out, she’d come back to nursing but she didn’t. There was tons of advice on how to end a nursing strike on the internet. Take baths with your baby, and offer to nurse while you’re in there. Hang out with your shirt off so that she sees them and remembers how much she loves boobs. Nurse when they’re very sleepy. Sleep with them so that you can offer when they’re barely awake. Feed in a quiet room in the dark. Try different positions. Address teething issues, like maybe a cold rag just before nursing to numb the gums a bit. I called lactation specialists and a local La Leche League member. They offered other ideas, such as showing her pictures or videos of nursing babies, talk to her about nursing, go to a nursing support group where she can watch other babies nurse, maybe pump in front of her to see if she gets jealous. I tried them all. The little L was indifferent. She ignored me and played in the tub. G liked the walking around topless idea but he was the only one (unless some neighbors happened to catch a show). When sleepy, I’d offer and she’d wake right up, protesting as loudly as she could. She yanked on my pump parts. She pushed keys on my computer when I showed her some videos of animals nursing. If I laid on our bed with her next to me, she’d crawl away. At the nursing support group, she crawled around the room full of mostly newborns, and tried to grab all the blankets and car seats that were sitting on the floor. A few times over the course of a week, she’d seem briefly interested and lean in for a quick bite but then immediately pull off. I was careful not to react.
Things started to get better after a few days. I realized that the little L took a bottle when she was very tired but not hysterical, so I made sure to sneak one before every nap and bedtime. In the middle of the night, for the first few days, she would wake up and be up for 2 hours at a time, miserable and not wanting to settle back down. By the 4th night, we had gotten with it enough to get the bottle ready quickly so that she’d drink it and go right back to sleep. Every time she woke up, I’d pump. The 5th night she only woke up once and we started to think that maybe there was something to be said for the bottle. Aside from that, I pushed water and juice as much as possible.
But I was devastated. I wasn’t surprised that it affected me, but I was surprised by how much. I fell into total utter depression. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was a wreck at work. I spent most of my time googling the same sites over and over again and trying to find stories of nursing strikes. Sadly, for every good story out there, there are at least a couple of others where people said their kid just stopped nursing altogether. Or that they waited a few weeks and finally gave up. More often, people would post in forums about it and then never update. I think I even randomly emailed people who had posted years ago asking them how it all turned out. I must have called half a dozen lactation consultants, even though I knew by the second that they wouldn’t have anything new to offer. The one thing that all the lactation consultants said over and over again was to NOT STRESS. When I offered to nurse, pretend like I didn’t care one way or the other. This was so much easier said than done. Don’t freak out about her not getting enough fluids or nutrition, they said. She will get what she needs. She’s not going to let herself starve. So just keep offering as much as you can without pressure. And I kept trying, but each time she rejected it (me), I felt more and more emotionally drained.
I also made the mistake of telling lots of people about it. Because, you know, that’s pretty much all I thought about. And I have to say that about 98% of the responses I got did not help at all. So by the end of the week, I only mentioned it to people I knew wouldn’t say something ridiculous. And really, it was no one’s fault but my own, so I’m not trying to rag on anyone in particular. I guess I should have expected that the 60-year-old male judge in my office was not going to say something comforting. But I have to say that it was across the board. One of the most common things I heard from other moms was, “Maybe she’s weaning.” And then proceed to tell me how their kid weaned at 11 months or their friend’s kid suddenly stopped too. Another common response was to point out the good stuff like, oh, at least with a bottle you can get your husband to help at nighttime. Or, I can’t believe you’re still pumping so much. I wasn’t looking for silver linings at that point, and honestly, was feeling like nothing else really seemed that important. I realized that unless someone had a good story to share (Oh, I went through this. It was SO hard, but we got through it), it was best if they just said, “Sorry. I hope it gets better.” Or one coworker started telling me about something she’s been really stressed out about with her kid and said something along the lines of, “Man, kids can be such rotters; stress us out so much, but it always gets better, doesn’t it no matter how it turns out?” I found that surprisingly helpful. Otherwise, each time I mentioned it, especially during the first few days, I found myself just getting more bummed out. The lady from the La Leche League was hugely comforting and helpful, so I started emailing her constantly with random questions. I’m not a member of La Leche League, so I wonder if she started to feel overwhelmed with the sheer number of emails each day.
It’s odd. After our first kid, I was prepared mentally for nursing to not always be perfect. I loved nursing D, but there were always periods when she rejected the boob and only wanted the bottle. And it was rough for me, but we were pretty successful overall, and I realized it was fine. We got off a rocky start, but then eventually settled in. I don’t think she loved nursing though. And in retrospect, she must have gone on strikes, as well. I just didn’t realize that’s what they were. If D had suddenly stopped nursing altogether at 11 months, I would have been sad but probably more accepting. With the little L, it’s been different. I’ve often talked to my friends about how much easier it’s been this time around. This girl LOVES to nurse, and the issues we’ve dealt with it have been the exact opposite. Getting her to take a bottle. Trying to figure out how to get her to stop nursing quite so damn much. Honestly, I’ve been more worried about how I’m going to stop nursing. And that’s the other thing. I don’t plan on doing this for much longer. With D, I stopped pumping at 13 months, and expected the end of nursing to follow soon after. It was gradual and expected, and although sad, right. When researching nursing strikes, I’d read random posts from women who’d say things like, “Yeah, we went through this, and now we’re still going strong at 3 years.” Uh, no thank you. I don’t want to be one of those people. I want my body back. And after a year, I don’t think there’s really much benefit to nursing anyway. So up until now, I’ve worried about how the heck I’m going to get the little one off me. We’re nowhere near the point we were at with D at this age. I’m still breastfeeding several times a day and a couple of times at night. So some times over that week of striking, I wondered if I should just accept it. If somehow, she was offering me an easy way out. If I should take advantage and wean while I could because it might be too hard later. And really, what’s the difference between 10.5 months and a year.
But I couldn’t bring myself to accept this. The cold turkey thing just didn’t work for me. And I just kept thinking, goddammit, of all the things we’ve dealt with this time around, nursing has never been one of them. Why couldn’t she pick something else to challenge me with? I’m sure there were hormonal things going on that weren’t helping. And I just couldn’t understand because through it all, the little L didn’t seem happy either.
The strike lasted 6 days, and it felt like months. Suddenly, on the 6th night, it was as if the strike had never been. G and I were still on a high from the night before, when she’d gotten up just once, quickly taken a bottle, and gone right back to sleep. So I almost didn’t try at all, thinking maybe it was time to give us both a break. I was getting tired of the rejection. But in the end, I couldn’t help it. I figured I’d try just for a minute while G got the bottle ready. And what do you know, she went right back to it. No hesitation, not a second thought. I don’t think I breathed the whole time, and a part of me expected her to wake up screaming any minute. And the next morning, I was still 50/50 as to whether she’d come back for good. I worried that it had been a random half-drowsy middle of the night lapse that she’d quickly forget about. But apparently, she’s back, because since then, she’s been nursing non-stop. In fact, I’m regretting any comments I made during the strike to the effect, man, I now miss those nights when she woke up every hour or two wanting to nurse. I’d take that over this any day. I gotta say, that was pure desperation talking. But I am happy that things are back to normal. I still keep waiting for it to happen again. This last weekend, she bit me again a few times, and while I was careful to not scream, I did stop nursing when she did it. And I wondered if she’d again retaliate by not nursing. She didn’t. So we’ll see, but for now, all is good.
Just found it this post, it is word for word what I am going through, only I'm at day 16 and insane, emotionally and physically. It's indescribable but thanks for describing it so well. There's hope.
ReplyDeleteOh no! I'm so sorry that you are going through this. And 16 days! Damn. I hope that your little one comes around. There is hope. My daughter won't stop nursing now, at 20 months. So clearly what we went through was just a phase. But I wish I could say that there was some magical thing that turned it all around for us when we were going through it. But I'm as perplexed now as I was then. Good luck!
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