Nov. 7, 2009

You guys all remember my crazy night out in the city a while back, right? The one that involved lots of alcohol and G recovering for the rest of the weekend? So now imagine that weekend with me being completely sober while everyone else around me was piss-ass drunk/hung over. Cuz that’s actually exactly how it was. It wasn’t that I was the most sober one in the group because I somehow managed to drink only to the point of fuzziness instead of to the point where I was falling to the floor while trying to untie my shoe laces. NO – I was sober cuz I didn’t have more than a couple of sips of alcohol THE ENTIRE NIGHT. That’s how miserable that night was. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It was a lot of fun, but I’m usually not the one taking care of drunk people. Back in my 20s and early 30s, I was more often the one that had to be dragged home at the end of the night before I puked all over the place.

I realized that night how far I’ve actually come from those days. Not that I was a total lush (I wasn't, I swear) or anything, but when I went out, I liked to drink. What’s the point of going out otherwise? But that night, I was stone cold sober because guess what? Just that morning, G and I had found out that I was pregnant. We'd suspected I might be for a few days but then decided we should find out before I decided to get all plastered (cuz, you know, just in case I couldn't get all plastered). And not wanting to tell anyone yet, G and I decided we’d subtly hand him all my drinks. So sitting next to each other at dinner, I’d take sips out of my sangria glass. When he was almost done with his, I’d pick his up and he’d grab mine. Fortunately for us, our friends got quickly and majorly drunk that night so it was pretty easy to pull off. But to this day, G keeps reminding me that the only reason he got that wasted that night was because he was “drinking for two” and doing me a favor. Uh, huh, it was for me that he was grabbing plastic cups of scotch from some random Indian man on a party bus. Totally my fault! Never mind that I could have sipped one drink through most of dinner without anyone being the wiser cuz no one was really paying attention to who was refilling their glasses when.

BUT I will say this, my friends are not only lushes but apparently they’re masters of peer pressure too. Thanks guys. What are we in, high school? Once we were at the club, avoiding the drinks became so much harder. First, the tequila shots came out. And it’s apparently much harder to fake drink a shot than it is a glass of wine. I somehow managed to pour my glass into G’s, so that he had this monster shot. When people looked over at my empty glass, I just pretended to have jump the gun and take my shot earlier than everyone else. And no one seemed to think that it was weird that his shot was twice as big as theirs. And actually, when G struggled to take down the whole thing in one gulp, everyone gave him shit for being a wuss, and wow, look at his wife, she finished his shot before he did. Was he getting old or what? Etc. etc. I couldn’t help it, I jumped in on the trash talking until I got the sense that he was about to lose it right there and tell everyone the truth. Thankfully there was only shot (though it turned out I hadn't managed to pour out the entire thing into G's shot glass, and there was a lot of egging on for me to finish the damn thing). But then I had to deal with everyone trying to push random drinks on me. I finally had to grab some sprite and pretend I was drinking a vodka tonic. Which wasn’t easy with the birthday boy’s friend pouring the drinks either. Man I had no idea that saying no to drugs would be so hard.

So now do you see why I was so ready to go home by midnight that night???? OK, so then imagine me sitting in the hotel room the next morning waiting for G to stop whipping, and flipping through random channels on the hotel room tv. And the only thing worth watching being this random show on pbs about animals giving birth and their natural parenting instincts (or lack thereof in some cases). I’m so serious, dude, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. Did you know, for example, that new elephant seal mothers on the coast of South Africa sometimes get so hot laying in the sun with their newborns that they rush off to the water before the seal cubs are old enough to follow them? Come back later and get all confused when they find their dead babies all wilted in the heat. That and a few graphic birth scenes were exactly what every newly pregnant, completely-NOT-HUNGOVER, chick needs.

So omg, totally the best weekend ever.