Midpoint

So yesterday, I hit the 21 week mark. I’m officially over half way done with the pregnancy. The little Carrot (not to mention, me!) seems to be growing rapidly now, though I think the bigger growth spurts are still coming. Already, I feel all kinds of stretching pain in my abdomen and am not looking forward to more growth. But since I don’t want a less than 1 lb baby either, I suppose I’ll just have to grin and bear it.

Despite the occasional discomfort, I have to say that pregnancy has been much more pleasant these days. In the early days (way back when, like 2 and a half whole months ago), when I first started telling a few people, I remember how excited they’d be. And I was too, but it was hard to sustain the excitement really cuz there was almost nothing going on down there. Other than a lot of tiredness (but honestly, though, you’d be sleepy too if you sat around staring at your computer all day thinking about how boring work was), I didn’t feel much. My first ultrasound wasn’t until 9 weeks in. My friend C and I would sit around messaging about it all day long, but it didn’t feel real. My mom called me every few days asking for updates, and I really had none. I occasionally felt sick, but only for brief moments here and there. And wow, was it nice to not have a period. I do remember throwing up one day though around week 8 or so, and actually being kind of glad to feel SOMETHING.

I suppose I did have some early symptoms but often, in those first weeks and even later, I wouldn’t even recognize them as pregnancy signs. I remember one day randomly telling C about all these super vivid dreams I’d been having and she immediately attributed it to me being pregnant. She told me to google pregnancy and dreams, and what do you know, it’s actually a common indicator of pregnancy. Or after 3 nights in a row of picking fights with G for stupid little things, I made a comment about how I didn’t know what had gotten over me. And G said, very hesitantly, like he was afraid mentioning the thought would set me over the edge more, that it was maybe to be expected with the increased hormones and all. (On a side note, pregnancy has a great excuse for all kinds of things – bad temperedness and laziness being especially key. I don’t remember being able to pull off shit like yelling to G in the office, asking if he’d mind getting me a drink of water from the kitchen BEFORE getting pregnant. Not to say I didn’t always try it, but nowadays he actually gets it for me!!).

But anyway, the early days were actually kind of unexciting. And it didn’t help that I spent a lot of time reading up on pregnancy related stuff online. And on every site and forum, there were always horribly sad stories of women who’d had miscarriages in the early weeks. So honestly, it’s SO hard to be excited cuz at times, it seemed like everything about the early days is just so uncertain. We were worried about everything, what we could and couldn’t do (sorry if it’s TMI but sex, for example, was a huge hurdle at first cuz we were paranoid about hurting the Carrot).
NOW, though, it’s been a lot more fun. Actually, I guess it started being more fun around Christmas and New Year’s when I started telling a few more close friends. After another bigger ultrasound in early January, my mom and I called India and told the whole family. My friend A in Salt Lake City gave me all her old maternity clothes (helping me to avoid the painfulness of maternity dress shopping – have you seen some of those clothes out there? It’s like somehow people decided that as soon as a woman got pregnant, all she’d want to do is wear these ugly flowery things). I came back from a trip to SLC with a huge moving box full of clothes, and just in time too because it was right when I was starting to pop. A few people at work started guessing I was pregnant, and I started telling everyone else. My friend L started planning the baby shower. And C sent me a long list of essential baby gear, so G and I started looking at baby products. We’re also looking at names, classes, etc. Finally, now, I’ve been feeling pregnant. And it’s a good thing, cuz there’s no question when you look at me that I’m in the family way. I even tell random people on the street now (starting a couple of weeks ago) that I’m pregnant. I mean, not just out of the blue or anything. But you know, when it comes up . . . at restaurants when I’m glancing longingly at wine, at hobos on the street who ask me out, that kind of thing . . .
I have a feeling that the excitement will be tempered a little in the weeks to come as I start to get bigger and more awkward. So I’m kind of enjoying these weeks now while I have them.