better than yours

So not having kids before now, I’ve been able to be hugely critical of other people’s parenting skills. Over the years, I’ve developed a pretty good idea of what my kids will NOT be like.

For example, a good friend of mine L has a teenage son. Before I start on this little tirade, I should say that L is one of my dearest friends, almost like a sister. I love her to death, and she’s been part of a small group of girls who’s been incredibly helpful during this whole pregnancy thing. (She doesn’t read this blog but in case she starts to, I figure some flattery would be appropriate before I start telling you what a turd her son is. And just for the record, I’d like to also point out that I’m not about to say anything I haven’t said to her face). Anyway, her son is a teenager, and gets away with the craziest shit. During a group trip to Tahoe last year, I remember how there would be a perfectly good breakfast waiting in the morning. But this kid would come upstairs, declare he was in the mood for something else, and L’s hubby B would make it for him!! Not only that, the little turd complained after that it wasn’t up to his particular specifications. This kid is like 15 years old. I’m sorry, I told G, when we got home later. Our kids are eating what we put in front of them, and if they don’t like it, they can shove it up their asses. L also complained that he stayed up all hours of the night and be tired all day in school. He wouldn’t do his homework. And B (a stepparent) told me that L wouldn’t let him be stricter, and the kid would just go to his mom if B tried to make him do something he didn’t like. Again, I had a lot to say about all this to G about it later on. What kind of shit is this, I said? As long as our kids live with us, they’re going to have a bedtime. I don’t care if they’re f’in 30. And they better be getting A’s well into high school if they want to continue to have a roof over their heads. And what’s with this whole good-cop, bad-cop routine? That’s so definitely NOT happening at our house. I don’t care if that kid just wants to head down the street to drop the mail off. S/he better be asking both of us, and we darn well better both be in agreement.

My co-worker has had issues as well with his 2-year old son (you remember the one, the practically Indian guy). Turns out they have a son and his wife stays home. Not that long ago, he told me about his son had been waking up at 3am several nights in a row demanding to watch his Pinocchio video. And they let him!!! Are you kidding me, I asked G that night (after my co-worker C and I had already had a lengthy IM conversation about the whole thing at work). That kid is 2 years old! He should be sleeping the whole night by now. And that fact that he isn’t says TONS about their parenting skills. The fact that he’s allowed to watch TV at all is something I’m still unsure about. But in any event, if our kids wake up in the middle of the night, they are being firmly led back to bed and had damn well better stay there if they know what’s good for them. This co-worker also mentioned that his mother-in-law is visiting now, and all she does all day is let the kid watch cartoons. Um, where’s the mother, I wanted to know. I thought this was her job, to be the stay at home parent. And I thought that included being in charge of how much tv your kid watches. No way, I said that night, is that happening at our house. No wonder this kid wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to watch more tv. And no wonder he threw a fit when over Christmas, they got a flat screen to mount on the wall, and the little tyke couldn’t reach the controls anymore to turn the television on at will. OMG.

Another co-worker has mentioned that his under 5 year olds are allowed to watch South Park!

My sometimes-carpool buddy tells me frequently about days in which her one year old son will fall asleep at 6 pm, sleep for several hours, and then not be able to fall asleep that night. As it is, his bedtime is around 10pm (notice that is *around* 10pm and did I mention that he’s just one?). Did he not take his nap at the usual time today, I’d ask? Oh, no, he doesn’t really have a nap time, she’d say. Maybe it’s hard to enforce that sort of thing at a day care, G suggested, in the face of my disdain. Um, sure, except that her day care provider is her next door neighbor who has no other small kids to contend with. How hard is it to set a time and have her put the kid down regularly at that time? That’s what we’re doing, of course. Our kid had better be a regular sleeper and pooper by the time s/he’s 4 months old. Cuz I’m not tolerating this nonsense about never knowing when s/he might be eating or sleeping, and on which nights I can expect to get a full night’s sleep and which nights I won’t. This kid is going to have a schedule (just like the dogs have a pooping and eating schedule). I know I’m expected to get up and feed the little sucker at various intervals but they’re going to be the same predictable intervals every night. And 1 is way past the age when all this should have been implemented. We try to listen to his queues, my carpool buddy says. Um, ok, but if your kid is falling asleep in the early evening like that, maybe he’s trying to tell you that he needed a nap earlier in the day and that he needs an earlier bedtime. And anyway, what are we, hippies? It’s not a free for all. Isn’t it our job to set a schedule that’s age-appropriate and stick with it?

G's friend’s 4yo son wandering around constantly during his meal? Hell no, our child will sit in his seat, eat what’s placed in front of him, and not get up a moment before. That’s the way G and I were raised, and that’s the way our own kids will be.

Anyway, as you can see, I’m unashamedly judgmental. And with no kids around to prove me otherwise, I’ve been able to theorize as much as I please about our well-mannered and highly principled little angels. Now that our little spaghetti squash is on the way, I wonder a bit how our child will really be like. Am I going to have to make compromises about all this stuff? Probably. But hopefully not too many, right? And it’s fun to criticize other people when there’s no way to put my money where my mouth is. I have a feeling that it’s going to be a whole another ball game now. And I’m not entirely sure I like the thought.