Sometimes, I have to remind myself that I do not, do NOT live in the ghetto. And really we don't. But every so often, something happens and I think, man, you could have fooled me.
Take for example, that time I lost Tucker while we were out walking in the hills by our house. He took off, and I wandered around for an hour looking for him. Seriously, walked for an HOUR in the sun with 3 other extremely tired dogs (we were dogsitting one) calling his name and getting more and more pissed. Turns out there's a little homeless camp tucked away there, and I wandered in thinking maybe Tucker had been enticed by the food laying around all over the place. The nice homeless man that was there hadn't seen him. But he got on his pre-paid cell phone and called his buddy on the other end of the park to see if a dog had come drifting over to that camp. Sadly, no. All right, you're right, that's not ghetto, that's downright hospitable. Who knew there was such a tight knit bum circle in town.
Well then what about that time I found a homeless guy laying on the street when I got into work one morning? He was just laying there, his head on the curb, his bike lying sideways next to him. I tried to ignore him but then felt bad and went over. Called out to him a few times, no response. Finally decided to call 911, thinking he could have fallen off his bike and landed that way. Big shocker, when the cops came out, they said they'd seen him around town a lot and he was probably just taking a nap. But they couldn't wake him up either and ended up calling the paramedics. I might not live in the ghetto but my old office definitely reeked of it.
Not to mention the alley behind our house could have come straight out of ghetto-ville too. And I know, cuz I got into a ghetto fight back there not that long ago. Our garage is detached and leads out to the alley. But the stupid people that live there seem to think its ok to just park where ever they please. So I open the garage door one morning, in a rush as always, and there's this car parked right in front of the garage. I don't know what else to do so I just start honking my horn, all the while looking for the local police number to call to get a tow. FINALLY, about 5 minutes later, this big fat lady comes strolling out in her bathrobe. And mind you, its not that early, maybe like 9? On a weekday! Anyway, she kind of strolled out, clearly in no hurry and walked over to her car as if parking there is completely normal, and actually looking like I might have inconvenienced her a little. So I might have, er, um, gotten into a little bitch fight -- i mean, just verbal, but there might have a bit of the "oh no you DIDN'Ts" coming out of our mouths.
There might have been a similar incident with the family who let their pit bull out to attack our dogs one night while I was out walking them. A heated um, discussion, that ended with one ass-wipe asking for my # and me cussing him out and threatening to call the cops and animal control.
So anyway, I guess it was only a matter of time before I got another taste of Hollister's finest. . . this time in the form of a definitely funky homeless man walking into our office asking to check his email, leaving a fine odor of BO permeating throughout the building in his wake. Damn, I knew we should have taken off the "free internet for bums sign" from underneath our law firm title!
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